BEST OF UTAH

Last week ended on a bit of down note, so let's have some fun this week, shall we?

I'm getting things in order for the Top 5 of 2013 videos, so hopefully those will be up and running before the end of the month, but first, let's talk about the City Weekly Best of Utah awards.

City Weekly is a local weekly newspaper that I occasionally write for. I started out writing comic book reviews back in 2004 and I've done a little bit of everything over the last 10 years. Every year they open a readers poll for some of the best things in Utah and there are a few categories that I'd like to throw my hat in the ring for. I probably won't actually win, but if you want to help boost my ego a little bit, feel free.

Best Local Blog - Why, http://www.trevorhale.com of course.
Best Local on Twitter - @trevorhale, even though I'm only really firing on all cylinders a few times a week.
Best Local Podcast - The Fucking Reserves! Show us some love.
Best Utahn - I don't deserve it at all, but go ahead and throw me in there.
Best Mixologist - I want to be thrown in this category just to fuck with all the bartenders that take it incredibly seriously.

Head over to the City Weekly site, create an account (so people can't vote a thousand times from a single computer) and vote for me for some things. Let's have some fun here.

Also, I've got a bunch of posts half-finished and sitting in the draft folder that I hope to get to this week and next. Keep checking back and I'll make sure there's something here for you worth checking out.

Thanks!

JERRY SLOAN DAY!

Long. Live. Sloan.

January 31 shall from this moment on be known as "Jerry Sloan Day," according to our own Governor Herbert, who may be just trying to save face from some of his more despicable actions over the past few months. You know, like being really, incredibly, super anti-gay but being totally cool with the air in the state deteriorate at a rapid pace because it lines the pockets of his friends.

Sloan abruptly retired after a game against the Chicago Bulls (a game that I was at and still have the ticket stub for) in February 2011. Lots of rumors swirled about it being due to Deron Williams, Greg Miller and Kevin O'Connor but no one knows exactly what happened. Sloan said he was exhausted and just didn't have it in him anymore and that it was time to go.

He was given a role of "consultant" or something last summer, but it's more just a legacy thing. The Jazz organization doesn't want one of the longest tenured coaches in history leaving in a huff to be a black mark, so they're trying to fix it.

The Jazz will be retiring the number 1223, which represents the number of regular season and playoff victories under his belt. he coached the team for 23 years, which is a lifetime in professional sports. There were 245 head coaching changes around the NBA during his tenure with the Jazz.

I've always been a fan of Sloan and to celebrate, I made these shirts that I still have for sale. If you're interested in one, visit my shop and pick one up. I can't have it shipped to you in time for the game tonight, but at least you'll have it.

Long. Live. Sloan.

THE BALLAD OF FIRSTNAME LASTNAME

I broke down and watched the majority of the Jazz game last night (they won!) and they, surprisingly, looked half-decent.

Richard Jefferson had something of a breakout performance and gave the team a little lift late in the 3rd quarter. It seems that everyone was kind of surprised by it - even the crew in the production department. They made a little snafu when Bolerjack and Harpring (the home announcers) asked them to get the KFC Bucket Chart up so they could show how much better he was last night than in just about every other game so far this season.

Even the @utahjazz production department has lost all interest in this team. #NOPatUTA pic.twitter.com/1HojypBfU8
— Trevor Hale (@trevorhale) November 14, 2013

I noticed the "FIRSTNAME LASTNAME" error, snapped a picture and sent a Tweet. I figured I'd get a few laughs and that would be that.

Wrong.

The replies blew up for about an hour while I cooked some delicious Top Ramen and I got a kick out of it. Definitely the most popular Tweet I've ever sent out - even more popular than those hilarious Twilight Concert ones.

Didn't think much about it today until my brother sent me a text that said, "Did you see your Twitpic is a top story on Yahoo!?"

Sure enough, it was. Must have been a really, really slow news day. But hey, at least they gave me credit.

"THE AMPLITUDE OF THEIR INEPTITUDE"

The Jazz are a terrible basketball team. They haven't won a game yet and have lost 7 straight times (*update - 0-8) to start the season.

Everyone knew they were in for a tough year, but it's hard to say that anyone expected them to be as bad as they are.

Well, that's not true. I fully expected them to be terrible. I told people the Jazz would be lucky if they hit 20 wins this season. The best player on the team (Gordon Hayward) would be the 2nd or 3rd best player on any other team. Enes Kanter and Derrick Favors might be pretty great players someday, but no time soon and I think Alec Burks is the second coming of C.J. Miles. Those are the guys we're going to war with. Those are the Core Four that Jazz Fans thought were going to set the NBA on fire and were happy to get rid of Paul Millsap, Al Jefferson and every other professional basketball player on the roster to make room for.

Trey Burke, the injured starting point guard might help when he comes back, but unless as Spencer Checketts said "Trey Burke better be a solid combination of Chris Paul and Jesus," the Jazz are out of luck.

I admit, I'm taking a little too much pleasure in how bad this team is. After they let every single one of their free agents walk, traded for Richard Jefferson, Andris Biedrins and Brandon Rush then signed John Lucas III in order to turn the team over to the young guys, I knew it would be terrible. Very few people believed me and I spent the summer listening to the accounting dorks on the other side of my divider at work talk about how good the Jazz were going to be this year and that they were going to surprise a lot of people.

They are surprising a lot of people - but not in the way they hoped. After a 115 - 91 loss on Saturday night (which the Raptors lead by as many as 38 points at one time), Toronto Star columnist Cathal Kelly wrote a pretty scathing column about how as bad as the Raptors are, the Jazz are worse.

Let's look at some quotes:

Coming in, we knew Utah was bad. They hadn’t won a game. They hadn’t scored more than 93 points since opening night. They have the worst defence* in the league.

In reality, we knew nothing. The awfulness of the Utah Jazz is a full-on sensory experience. To appreciate the amplitude of their ineptitude, it has to be suffered through in person. Like waterboarding.

After two hours of this dreck, I’m not sure what the Jazz play. It isn’t basketball. It’s a strange cross between Red Rover and inside-out dodgeball.

Halfway through the second, the usually invisible Quincy Acy was inserted. In the second quarter. Hopefully, the Jazz understand how shaming that should feel.

So we're in for a long, long season here in Utah. It's only a matter of time before Jazz fans start booing their own team. Hell, I'm surprised they haven't started yet.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Jazz fans are some of the worst people on the planet. I'm always happy when they get a nice reality check.

*I don't know if that's a typo or just a Canada thing.

LONG LIVE SLOAN - BACK IN STOCK

Wanted to give everyone a heads up that the LONG LIVE SLOAN shirt is back in stock.

Just in time for basketball season and just in time to show your support for the legend - especially now that he's back in the Jazz organization in some capacity.

Head over to my shop and pick one up.

Old News Records Store - Long Live Sloan

HENRY ROLLINS AND SCOTT HOWELL

Henry Rollins stopped by on his Capitalism tour last month, and as always, it was awesome. I try to catch him every time he comes through town on tour.

This time, he was hitting every state capital before the election. He talked a lot about politics, but he tried to keep things balanced (or as balanced as he possibly could while pointing out many of Mitt Romney's huge flaws and general idiocy) and didn't really care what you thought or what your political beliefs were. He just wanted to make sure everyone was educated and knew what they were voting for or against.

Of course, he also deviated from that topic and talked about his quest to visit every country on George W. Bush's 'Axis of Evil' while he was in office. He never quite got it done, because his clearance to visit North Korea didn't come through until after he was out of office. He went as soon as he was able, and said while it was amazing, he was with a tour guide that only took him to government approved places so he wasn't able to see as much as he would have liked.

A whole bunch of other topics were covered too, and it was an awesome two hours.

I wasn't aware he was making little video features from each city until just now, but this one is from SLC. He talks with the Mormon Democrat Scott Howell that's running for Orrin Hatch's senate seat. Hatch is awful, so everyone should vote against him no matter who is running. Hatch has been in office since 1977 and he needs to be gone, so hopefully Howell has a chance.

He doesn't and he won't win, but a fella can dream, can't he?

The SLC video is embedded below. The rest can be found over at the TakePart.com YouTube page.