"APRIL IS THE CRUELEST MONTH..."

April has officially become my least favorite month of the year. This whole month has just been awful and I started thinking about it and came to the realization that every April is horrible from beginning to end for multiple reasons.

1) April Fool's Day. I love jokes. I love practical jokes even more. I hate that the Internet has ruined them. I used to love April Fool's Day because I had to get creative. Now bands just tweet that they're breaking up, girls post that they're pregnant on their Facebook walls and silly things like that. And people fall for it. Every year. Without fail. April Fool's Day is the most annoying day to be on the Internet.

And that's how the month starts.

Look, I've pulled Internet April Fool's jokes for my old band before, but I feel they were somewhat clever. One of them didn't work because the sound guy at Kilby Court was a complete fucking moron and didn't understand what we were trying to do and ruined weeks of work. Another year, I just logged on to the Cherem MySpace (remember that?) and changed our band name to "The Dick Holsters" for the day, without any sort of announcement and started posting asinine bulletins confusing the shit out of everyone. That might have been the best.

2) The weather in April sucks. One day it'll be 60 degrees and sunny, then it will rain for three days straight, get sunny and awesome for two days and then start snowing all of a sudden. It drives me nuts.

3) April Fool's Day is definitely the most annoying day to be on the Internet, but there's another day this month that's a close second—April 20. Better known as 4/20. It's the day when everyone makes bullshit posts about how awesome they are for smoking weed, links to Bob Marley videos, pictures of themselves with joints, bongs, pipes, cokes cans and a whole bunch of other stuff that you should have outgrown when you turned 17. If you smoke weed every day anyway, who fucking cares? We know you smoke. No one gives a shit.

Especially me. I've been straight edge for well over a decade and I couldn't care less if you smoke weed. I don't particularly want to hang out with anyone while they're high because it makes them dumb, slow, forgetful and harder to have a conversation with but I'm totally okay with you doing it. If that's what makes you happy, then more power to you.

But I don't want it to be legal. I know it would solve a lot of problems and taxing it would help the economy greatly, but that would also mean that hippies got their way. And we just can't have that. The last thing I want is an overly happy guy, stoned out of his mind, wearing a Phish t-shirt coming up to me all smiles saying things like, "Yeah bro, we stuck it to the man, man! We stuck it to the man!" 


Thank god there's only 10 days left before May.