JERSEY GUY

Remember when I told you that I worked in an office? It's been a little over three months now, and it's been... good. I guess. It's weird. There are as many aspects of this job that I love as I hate. Mostly I hate sitting in a chair all day.

I spent a lot of years waiting tables at a restaurant with a patio, so from March until November, I'm used to being outside nearly all day every day. It was a weird transition to make and one that I'm still struggling with. Fortunately, there's a huge pond out back with ducks. I get along well with ducks. I feel very Tony Soprano about the whole thing. There's something about them that relaxes me. If I ever own a home with a pool (however unlikely), I think I'll be okay if a family of ducks moves in. If they fly away and I collapse from a panic attack and have to go to therapy, we'll rethink things. But for now, I'm cool with ducks.

Every afternoon, I go outside and hang out by the pond with the ducks for a few minutes. It's relaxing for some reason. Not sure why, but it is. It takes the edge off being cooped up in an office all day.

Another thing about working in a big office like this? There are A LOT of people that work here. We're talking hundreds. I know maybe 15 of them and I talk to maybe 6 of those 15. There are a lot of energy drinks, fauxhawks, flip-flops, bedazzled jeans and Affliction shirts littered throughout these two buildings.

After the first week, I kind of stumbled into a bit of an office anthropological study.

My first desk (i.e. cubicle) faced the doorway and we were tucked away in a corner of the sales floor with a few other companies. The first day, I noticed a guy in a Lakers jersey. I only noticed it because I hate the fucking Lakers. The next day he was wearing a Reggie Bush USC jersey. The day after that, a different Lakers jersey. The next Monday he wore a Derek Jeter Yankees jersey, the day after he wore a Johnny Damon Red Sox jersey.

This is where my head almost exploded - simply because I couldn't get a read on what kind of fan he was. Obviously, it was a total frontrunner situation, but surely there had to be a pattern, I thought.

After my third week and a slew of different jerseys, I decided I had to keep track. I started a spreadsheet and began organizing what jersey he wore and how often he wore it. Each morning, I'd see him walk through the door and make a note of the jersey he had on.

It continued this way until last Friday. Last Friday, they moved me to a different part of the building and now I no longer see him every day. It's kind of a shame. I went over to his side of the building the past two days to get water from the break room, but really to see what he had on. He's been running repeats the past two days, which is a little disappointing.

Currently the count stands at 38 different jerseys. It's getting harder and harder to keep track of now, but I'll do it. I've just gotta keep coming up with reasons to go over there.

Don't worry though. I won't give up.